His & Hers: What He Needs From Her (Questions for discussion & reflection)

Read Titus 2:3-5.

[Q] How does the biblical model of older women teaching younger women to love their husbands and children differ from what our culture typically believes about love?

Dr Emerson Eggerichs in his book Love and Respect relays the following story told by Pastor E. V. Hill,

When we were a young couple struggling in the ministry I came home one evening to a dark home, but Jane, my wife, was standing in the dining room with candlelight and a hot dinner! Wow! She had prepared this for the two of them. Before sitting down I decided to wash my hands in the bathroom. When I flipped the light switch, they did not come on. I realized the electricity had been turned off. When I returned to Jane, she began to cry. “You work so hard, and we’re trying,” she said, “but it’s pretty rough. I didn’t have enough money to pay the light bill. I didn’t want you to know about it, so I thought we would just eat by candlelight.”

With great emotion Dr Hill continued, “She could have said, ‘I’ve never been in this situation before. I was reared in the home of Dr Caruthers, and we never had our lights turned off.’ She could have broken my spirit; she could have ruined me; she could have demoralized me. But instead she said, ‘Somehow or other we’ll get these lights back on. But tonight, let’s eat by candlelight.’” (Eggerichs, 54).

[Q] What happens in the heart of a husband who is viewed by his wife as not being a good enough provider?

[Q] How sensitive was E.V. Hill to the thought that his wife might not respect his desire and ability to provide for her?

[Q] In the message His & Hers: What He Needs from Her, there are four needs every husband has; unconditional respect, support, companionship, and physical responsiveness. Define each of these terms in your own words.

[Q] Read Proverbs 31:10-31. How does the wife mentioned in this Scripture fulfill these needs in her husband?

[Q] Wives, think of one way you can show your husband that you are committed to helping him feel secure in his identity and in your relationship. What one way can you admire his skills as a husband and parent? Remembering that he thinks concretely, how can you make sure he knows you respect him, no matter what? Husbands, think through the same questions: How can your wife express her admiration for you? How can she demonstrate her support for you—even for some of your crazy ideas? How can she make it clear that she’s committed for the long haul—your whole life together as your companion?

His & Hers: Her Role (Questions for discussion & reflection)

Genesis 2:18 records God’s words after creating the man, Adam, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” This is astonishing considering that in the first chapter of Genesis the phrase “And God saw it was good” after each day of creation.

Why was it not good? Because Adam was not capable of fulfilling the call God placed on humanity alone. He needed help. From this, we discover her role.

[Q] From the message, His & Hers: Her Role, was there anything about the wife’s role as helper that you found particularly helpful, surprising, or difficult to grasp? What about the wife’s response of submission that you found helpful, surprising, or difficult to grasp?

Read Ephesians 5:22-24.

[Q] To what extent are wives to submit to their own husbands? (See also Colossians 3:18)

[Q] In what specific area of your marriage would the wife’s submission mean the most to the husband?

Read 1 Peter 3:1-6.

[Q] In your marriage, what aspects of the wife’s behavior are the most winsome and attractive to the husband?

[Q] In what ways are submission and trust related?

[Q] Husbands, in what specific ways does your wife provide balance?

[Q] What is one thing God is calling you to do as a result of this week’s study?

His & Hers: His Role (Questions for discussion & reflection)

In a marriage, the husband’s role is head. Headship is not a “new” idea, in fact it existed prior to creation. The concept of headship is rooted in the relationship of God the Father and God the Son. It is from this relationship as well as the created order that we first get our first glimpse of God’s idea truly is when it comes to the marriage relationship.



Read Ephesians 5:22-33.

[Q] What are the implications of the headship of a husband in a marriage relationship to the headship of Christ with the church for the husband?

…for the wife?



Read Luke 22:25-27.

[Q] How does what Jesus said about leadership influence your understanding of a husband’s headship?



In the message, His and Hers: His Role, husbands were challenged to love their wife by serving and leading. What does it mean to be a “Servant-Leader”? Is this an appropriate term for husbands? Why or Why not?



If you are a husband, can your wife honestly call you “servant-leader”? If not, what words would she use to describe you?



If you are a wife, can you honestly call your husband a “servant-leader” in your marriage and home? If not, what words would you use to describe him?

His & Hers: Role Chaos (Questions for discussion & reflection)

John Eldredge in his book Wild at Heart writes, “Society at large can’t make up its mind about men. Having spent the last thirty years redefining masculinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men… ‘Where are all the real men?’ is regular fare for talk shows and new books. ‘You asked them to be women’, I want to say. The result is a gender confusion never experienced at such a wide level in the history of the world.”



[Q] Do you agree with Eldredge’s assessment? Where have you observed gender/role confusion? Pastor John Piper in an article on manhood and womanhood writes, “My experience has been that it is rare indeed to find a young couple who have a clear vision of what it means to be a Christian husband and a Christian wife” (www.desiringGod.org). What advise would you give a young couple who desired to discover their roles?



[Q] What insight from the message His and Hers: Role Chaos impacted you the most?



Read Genesis 2:15-25.



[Q] How does this passage show the equality of manhood and womanhood?



[Q] John Eldredge observes, “Eve was created within the lush beauty of Eden’s garden. But Adam, if you’ll remember was created outside the Garden, in the wilderness.” How are differences between manhood and womanhood highlighted in this passage?



[Q] Proverbs 14:1a says, “The wise woman builds her house…” What does this proverb reveal about a woman’s desire to nurture? How is this evidence of being an “image bearer”? What are the characteristics of nurture? Wives, do you see these characteristics in yourself? Husbands, where do observes these characteristics in your wife?



[Q] If married, what kind of marriage would you say your marriage most closely resembles at this time? Would your spouse agree or disagree disagree with your assessment?